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[–] [S] 69 points 7 hours ago* (4 children)

Misogyny is rife on Lemmy.

Post about feminism or women’s issues in LW communities and you see so many misogynists crawl out of the septic tank to have their say.

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  • [–] [S] 63 points 7 hours ago* (last edited 4 hours ago) (2 children)

    I'll never forget how many men here were (and still are) butthurt about the man vs bear thing, writing 5000-word essays on how judgmental and stupid women are for choosing the bear.

    Or when the Tea app (the app where women could anonymously discuss about men they dated so they could warn others if there's any danger/red flag) was breached and the women in there was doxxed, the general sentiment here was "they deserved it bc they shittalk about men." This one was particularly funny bc usually Lemmy's all about privacy and security, except when the bad, bad women are the victims I guess!

    Or how one day ago, there was a post about why women gave out fake numbers and many of the comments agreeing, but some men still came in to say that the post was "rage bait."

    And if we point it out, we "are sexists" and "make feminism look bad" ☺️ Fun!

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  • [–] [S] 8 points 1 hour ago (1 child)

    Bears are predictable. Men are not. The "men" are more than likely offended that someone would choose risking it with a bear than a random man (them).

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  • [–] [S] 7 points 1 hour ago

    The “men” are more than likely offended that someone would choose risking it with a bear than a random man (them).

    And instead of being inquisitive or empathetic about WHY women would choose a bear over a man, they blame women for being scared of men.

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  • [–] [S] 19 points 7 hours ago (4 children)

    LW? Is that lemmy.world?

    My finger frequently finds itself hovering over the "block entire instance" button for that site, and a few others.

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  • [–] [S] 5 points 4 hours ago (1 child)

    Oh where is that button? I think I want to experience my online bubble without .world. There's enough to keep me busy in the real world and I'm curious how it would change my lemmy experience. The last influx of reddit refugees has made lemmy a bit too reddity I think.

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  • [–] [S] 6 points 4 hours ago* (1 child)

    I use the default lemmy-ui on desktop so this won't help if you use an app or something.

    Click your display name in the top right, select settings, select the "Blocks" tab, scroll down to "Block instance" and type lemmy.world in the box, and then watch your lemmy experience improve tenfold.

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  • [–] [S] 9 points 1 hour ago (1 child)

    I think it's getting worse, but even my first post on Beehaw after the API exodus was followed by a big list of how I was doing everything wrong because I'm a woman.

    That put me off Lemmy for a long time

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  • [–] [S] 5 points 1 hour ago

    So many on the Fediverse have this adverse reaction to defederation, but I think we’re reaching the point where instances need to start being more selective and cutting off those who don’t take serious effort to curb this behaviour in their userbase.

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    [–] [S] 45 points 5 hours ago (1 child)

    It's constant in lemmy and it's scary. Misogyny is everywhere but parts of lemmy are cesspits for it. And unsurprisingly there's been several manosphere sorts in this thread.

    Fashion? No interest. Gardening? No interest. Feminism? RABID COMMENTING

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  • [–] [S] 42 points 7 hours ago* (2 children)

    God, a lot of comments in that post are disgusting. "She's still attractive to me." "I can't fantasize about cuddling with her anymore without thinking about bumping into her bones."

    This stuff is why I don't comment much on Lemmy.

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  • [–] [S] 9 points 7 hours ago (1 child)

    I can't find the post. (Lemmy search is ... vestigial.)

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    [–] [S] 31 points 7 hours ago (1 child)

    Tell me you're not a woman without telling me you're not a woman.

    there's not much misogyny on Lemmy

    Well done!

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  • [–] [S] 35 points 7 hours ago (1 child)

    collapsed inline media

    a genuine comment i saw in the post history of an user who called me desperate for attention & kept leaving snarky comments on my posts

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  • [–] [S] 23 points 6 hours ago

    I know, right?

    I was told there was very little racism on Mastodon. In the meantime I was looking over my filters set up specifically to get rid of most of the Sinophobes on Mastodon...

    Now there's very little misogyny on Lemmy. And here we are in the group that gets flooded with misogyny any time someone says something bad about men without some way of placating the other "good" men.

    It's so wearying.

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  • [–] [S] 23 points 2 hours ago* (3 children)

    I was tempted to make a similar post. The other day there was a thread where guys where saying that it’s okay to look up a woman’s skirt when she goes up stairs, because “if she’s wearing a skirt, that implies consent.” Then when I replied saying that’s “rapist thinking,” people came in (probably deliberately) misinterpreting it as if I was calling OP a rapist. No, saying something someone wears is “giving consent” is literally how rapists think.

    It immediately reminded me of all the guys that come on here and go, “I don’t see misogyny on Lemmy.” Meanwhile I got downvoted and I had to go back to edit my comment to make my point crystal clear. Even the more sane replies try to make it the woman’s problem to solve, like the guy saying we should kick a guy who’s staring up our skirts. As if we’d even be aware of it when they’re walking behind us?

    Needless to say, it’s got me second-guessing wearing a skirt now. Goodness forbid I need to go up a flight of stairs while some dingdong like these guys happens to be behind me.

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  • [–] [S] 13 points 2 hours ago

    Naomi Wu (RealSexyCyborg over on the Nazi Bar Site before she got silenced) came up with a "downskirt camera" that took pictures of men taking upskirt photos, the idea being that women could wear one of those and start posting the pervs on social media for their loved ones to be disappointed in.

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  • [–] [S] 23 points 5 hours ago

    I don't use the fediverse much, but happened to stumble over that post. As someone with an eating disorder I wanted to comment, but when I saw the other comments I was unfortunately reminded why I don't use this place much.

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  • [–] [S] 22 points 4 hours ago

    The worst part is that if you look hard enough, misogyny is literally everywhere, in forms a lot of people don't ever perceive at the time.

    Living in a patriarchy will do that.

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  • [–] [S] 19 points 2 hours ago*

    Recently had a man complain about the topics I post about. That by reposting stories about violence against women, I’m actually attacking men because while the news stories are true, I shouldn’t be highlighting them at the frequency I do. It makes men overall look like predators.

    Women are always the problem for speaking up about problematic men while the men are always worth defending no matter what.

    Hell, we have community members actively try to quiet other women in here for asking men to respect the rules.

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  • [–] [S] 16 points 1 hour ago (2 children)

    Misogyny on Lemmy is crazy. I honestly think its worse than reddit, I genuinely see it daily. Random meme communities will frequently have gross memes that if you think about for 1.8 seconds they are super misogynistic. Honestly it's depressing.

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  • [–] [S] 13 points 1 hour ago (1 child)

    It's worse than Reddit. There's less diversity on Lemmy and that allows for the misogyny to flourish.

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  • [–] [S] 7 points 1 hour ago (1 child)

    Probably, yeah. Lemmy feels like a "boys club" in the way men act here, its really gross.

    Honestly the first time I recognized your username was seeing you call it out in a random thread somewhere. Actually I think it was about violet too? I can't remember.

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  • [–] [S] 7 points 1 hour ago* (2 children)

    Honestly the first time I recognized your username was seeing you call it out in a random thread somewhere. Actually I think it was about violet too? I can’t remember.

    Probably, I've gone to bat for violet a few times now haha. The men here love to sexualize her, but HATE when she speaks about anything other than sex.

    I didn't initially join Lemmy to be the outspoken feminist, but I couldn't help myself shrug

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  • [–] [S] 5 points 1 hour ago (2 children)

    !lemmyshitpost@lemmy.world is getting pretty bad which is a shame because I shitpost there regularly :(

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  • [–] [S] 16 points 6 hours ago (1 child)

    Lemmy is smaller, so I’m sure, by the numbers, it’s less than Reddit, but it exists. The issue tends to be that the guys who know it’s not all men and a thing that isn’t referring to them aren’t going to respond in that way. The ones who are not part of the “not all men” being referred to feel targeted and are the most rabid of commenters.

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  • [–] [S] 27 points 6 hours ago (4 children)

    Lemmy also seems to have a higher proportion of the following than other social media sites. (Mastodon has a lot of this too.)

    1. Linux users.
    2. Other open source software users.
    3. Programmers for both of the above.

    And, I'm sorry if this offends some, but genuinely the entire open source field is toxic AAF. Racism abounds in it, as does sexism.¹ Any community with an elevated proportion of these three categories of people is going to see commensurate elevated proportions of racism and sexism as well.

    In Mastodon this has been a good test of the filters. In Lemmy ... well, Lemmy kind of sucks at all the protections functionality. ("Blocking" does no such thing, for example. It's more equivalent to Mastodon "muting" than it is blocking, and is Yet Another Channel For Abuse as a result.)


    ¹ Note: I'm not saying being a programmer, or Linux user, or whatnot makes you a bigot. I'm saying that the levels of bigotry in these communities are elevated from the mainstream, thus an increase in people from these communities means an increase from the baseline in the associated bigotries.

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  • [–] [S] 19 points 5 hours ago* (last edited 5 hours ago) (1 child)

    It kinda makes me sad too because linux/opensource community is extremely cool with trans people and helped me out a lot, but there is just some leftover gamergate culture about women that guys get absurdly defensive with.

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  • [–] [S] 11 points 2 hours ago

    It’s a curse on all of IT, there are rent-seeking chuds everywhere. A lot of it is crust leftover from the boomers forcing every one of their meathead children to college to become the next Bill Gates and get rich enough to take care of them forever. So many of these dudes go in with the mindset of getting rich at all costs, and they think they’re God’s gift.

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  • [–] [S] 10 points 2 hours ago

    I honestly realized how bad it was lately. Is it getting worse? It seems like there are some genuinely wonderful people here but there are certain threads that make you go “wtf”?

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  • [–] [S] 9 points 3 hours ago (2 children)

    Did anyone else here, hear about rednote when the tiktok exodus happened? There's no misogyny there, it's not tolerated, it's fucking fantastic.

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    [–] [S] 8 points 1 hour ago (3 children)

    Honestly, every other comment in that thread threw away their humanity to get one in on the rich girl with an ED. The excuse could be made that it was in a shitpost community but it's clear the post wasn't calling for ridicule. I'm really disappointed.

    The rest of this comment is just ranting. Skip if you want.

    How very cute, a pun about "Grande" meaning large while she's withering in front of us from not eating. How brave, calling her scum for being rich and having an ED. Why yes, anorexia does make one look like a skeleton. Why yes, this is an appropriate time to exacerbate her fans and accuse her of stolen valor about her skin color. (/s)

    I'm so tired. I grew up learning all about EDs in school and I feel like no one else was paying attention or we collectively forgot just how many friends killed themselves that way. This was a part of the 90's and 00's celebrity culture that I was hoping died there. I hope Ariana gets actual help before it kills her or hurts those impressionable enough to copy her. And I don't even fucking like her.

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